"It is not so much what happens to you as how you think about what happens."
Epictetus, Greek Philosopher, writing in the 1st Century
As Epictetus suggested more than 2,000 years ago, our fears are not based on the facts of a situation but on our beliefs about the situation.
Epictetus was no brain scientist but he could have been. Neuroscience confirms what Epictetus was telling us.
If you take a moment to think about a fear you have, you'll notice that just thinking about it produces an emotion from mild discomfort to outright panic. Think of walking down a dark alley alone at night. Snakes. Phone calls to people we don't know (or, sometimes, people we do know). Asking for money (or, sometimes, asking for a favor). Giving or getting feedback. Job interviews. Dying.
None of that is a problem, however, unless the thought prevents us from doing what we want to do or need to do.
For example, I've worked with people who avoid delivering presentations or won't voice their opinions or are terrified of confronting a coworker even when they know their career and their life would be enhanced if they did so. A friend's entire business is based on helping people get over their fear of making phone calls to business prospects. There are brilliant people who freeze when taking a test.
So why are we afraid? Here's the neuroscience part.
Over millions of years, our brains have evolved to make sure we survive by predicting the future. After all, if a cave man needed to go into the forest to collect nuts and berries and could predict that the noise he hears is a predator and not just the wind moving tree branches, his life will be saved by not going in the forest.
The cave man did this by comparing sights and sounds he had heard in the past to the current sights and sounds and using that data to predict whether the noise was the wind or a predator.
This is exactly what our brains are doing today, right now, this minute. We take data from the past and use that to predict what will happen in the future all in the interest of making sure we survive.
As we imagine ourselves delivering a presentation, making a phone call, taking a test or being interviewed for a job, our brains try and predict what will happen so that we can be prepared.
The problem is we can't accurately predict the future. How could we? The future, you may have noticed, hasn't happened yet.
The future may occur as we have predicted, but that's only by chance. Strategic planning experts, astrologers and investment advisers may congratulate themselves when the future turns out as they predicted, but that's only because they've taken educated guesses and been lucky. There's no way to actually know what happens until it happens (even the "Back To The Future" movies had trouble with the future and the characters knew what was going to happen).
Sometimes we're right and the future conforms to our prediction. Sometimes we're wrong.
This doesn't mean we shouldn't plan for the future based on our predictions. Make lists of pros and cons. Consult the experts. Talk it over with those you trust. Attend seminars to practice the skills you want to use. Chance seems to favor the prepared mind.
But if chance does favor our preparation well...that's just more chance.
Why is this important? Because, when we're afraid, it helps to know that it's just the brain doing its thing.
The knowledge that we create our fears is the knowledge that there is nothing to fear.
We can't control the future. But we can control our reactions when the future comes. And our big, amazing, brains will ensure that we survive that real future.
I'm creating my fears. I'm creating my fears. I'm creating my fears.
Say that over and over instead of what you currently may be telling yourself when you're afraid.
